Well, “open-world,” in the sense that it’s large and you can travel nearly anywhere, but it’s also mostly wasted. There’s also some pretty nasty draw-in, which actually didn’t bother me all that much by comparison, given how large the open-world city is. The frame-rate often drops to View-Master single digits, making the simple act of twisting and turning quite the challenge, and transforming my much-loved web-spasms into a crippled breakdance under strobelight.
The camera rarely ends up where you want it to, so you’re stuck readjusting it with a quick swipe across the screen, which isn’t nearly as intuitive as it sounds when you’re in-flight, or in-fight. As this really stupid toy, The Amazing Spider-Man succeeds, and even then it’s held back by technical issues. Or I’d find the tallest nearby building to scale and swan dive into the pavement, somehow coming out unscathed. I’d spam webbing while simultaneously spinning in a circle, sending Spidey into a spastic, airborn contortion. Every few minutes I’d break from the tedium of whatever the game had tasked me with, and start goofing off. The small amount of joy I could wring from Gameloft’s The Amazing Spider-Man ($6.99) was found in frantically pulling his string or, in this case, webbing. The bored kid that I was, this mindless savagery would continue until one of my parents yelled at me. I’d yank at his string, causing him to wildly flail about, hyperextending his legs over his head, smacking him in the face with his own tiny fists. Every Christmas he’d get pinned to the coat closet, and I’d spend way too much time making him dance to the hummed tune of the Tetris theme (I was obviously not a very politically correct child, growing up on a farm in rural Virginia).Īfter a minute or two of this shameful deed, I’d grow weary of simply making him dance. He was a little wooden man with a pull-string dangling between his legs, and when you tugged on the string his arms would move up and down, as if he were jumping, or dancing.
When I was a kid I had a jumping-jack toy that looked like a dancing cossack.
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